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I’ve struggled to write about the experience of Dragon’s Back because it feels unfinished. The abrupt ending to a dream and goal that has consumed my mind and still continues to sit in unrest. Quite frankly I don’t know how to separate Dragon’s Back. There is Dragon’s Back the experience, and Dragon’s Back the race. One was a smashing success, the other, my greatest failure up to date. The word failure is a confusing term to me even now. In the most straightforward dictionary definition of the word, Dragon was a failure. I failed to complete the entire course and DNFd. There’s no other way around this fact. On the other hand, the friends I made, the views I saw, the moments of unfiltered joy, pain, love, sacrifice and heartache, go beyond any finish line. I will never regret the moments I spent preparing, recceing, obsessing and racing Dragons, but I wish the outcome had been different. In brutal honesty, I am a competitive athlete and Dragon’s was my A race. My top goal was to win, my B goal was top 3, and my C goal was to finish. And I was in the exact position I needed to be to achieve at least my B goal. It hurts to be an almost, a good try, a possible future contender, because at the end of the day, I didn’t get to the end and the three letters of DNF sit beside my name. It is a tremendous accomplishment to complete any of the course and I applaud all who took on the Dragon’s wrath, but I had a goal and I did not complete it.
Rather then continue to write this in long form, for the sake of giving some idea of my mental state throughout the race, immediately after, and with some distance, I thought I would share excerpts from my writings throughout these days. I will caption them to signify the exact time of when they happened. Some of these are very raw. They show how mentally wrecked I was from not finishing this race and the emotional toll it took. These are the first three days and I will continue with the after math in a second post. I have to thank Codi and my mom for helping me to work through the outpouring of tears that occurred for several days after the race. It wasn’t easy on them I’m sure, but I greatly appreciate them listening to me and providing some tough love when I wanted to wallow in self pity. Here goes:
End of Day 1, Nant Gwynant Camp, 10:04PM, Total Mileage: 33.24
Day 1 of Dragons. Such a great day. Beautiful over Crib Goch, such amazing views and the weather continued to get better and better. Feeling very positive on the day and heading into tomorrow. Legs feel strong, feet look alright, no blister or niggles. Definitely need to take more water out there and EAT! Did not consume enough calories which I think hurt my climbing ability. Didn’t have as much for the climbs as I would have liked. Tomorrow need to concentrate on food and hydration and staying calm. Lots of off trail so be prepared for that. May need to change socks at aid station because of wetness. Ended up 2nd and 18th overall, 5min behind first and 10min ahead of 3rd. Looks like it’ll be the three of us fighting it out. Feel really good that I can run hard after all the work I’ve put in to doing that. It’s going to be awesome. Highlight of today was all of the people being so positive and cheering me on and the camaraderie that’s already forming with so many people. Getting to see Codi on Snowdon was really nice too. I love him so much. Time for bed now. I had the recovery chocolate bars which were delicious. Was really looking forward to that at the end of the run and definitely helped me get through. Socks worked well just hard terrain. Can run downhills stronger as well. They felt pretty slow today, but can speed them up in the next few days. Awesome day…
End of Day 2, Dolgellau, Excerpts from Text Conversations, Total Mileage: 70.76
Today was pretty hot. I’m whipped but lots of time to recover. I’m tired. Definitely a bit dehydrated. The end was brutal. But I get to shower. Probably the best shower ever. Lots of salty food and electrolyte water has helped a ton.
End of Day 3, Camp, Excerpts from Text Conversations, Total Mileage: 115.05
It was a tough day but held it together. I think I slipped to 3rd. Every day I’ve been able to finish I’m really happy with. This is no joke. I'm going to do this.
To Be Continued...